A Tunnel of My Memory

Met a girl in 1985, I remember her name, Lisa (Last Name With Held). She was from Morristown. Long story... I’ll get to the point. Lisa told me recently that I have a "pejorative" memory.
She told me that on Facebook. I remember her name, I recognized her name as a friend of a friend on that site and proceeded to blow the girl’s mind ..."We met at a Meat Puppets concert in Dover, The Feelies opened for them, we met again on a train in New Brunswick (NJ Not Canada) I even spoke to you on the phone once" I remembered the person she was with at the time, she's still friends with him, anyway, this prompted Lisa to say that my memory is "Pejorative".
Today is January 20th. The media is making a HUGE deal about the inauguration of Barack Obama. I don't remember there ever being anywhere near this much hoopla whoopty doo over a new president being inaugurated.
I like Obama, I voted for him, but Holy Toledo Batman!
It is exactly 7;00 AM , I woke up thinking about the old "Tunnel Of Chaos". I wasn’t dreaming about it, but my mind drifted nostalgically to memories of "The Tunnel of Chaos". Bill and I were 17, we would go into this square tunnel , an underground revene, it went under the street by the WMCA. We would walk hunched as we made our way into the tunnel.

We would come across an Earthy rocky watery part of the Tunnel about 20 yards in , it had no concrete floor and then after only about ten feet the concrete floor would continue. We would sit under a sewer drain grill that let the sun light in over our head.
There was some unmemorable graffiti there, but we made some new graffiti. I remember independently going there alone with a tube of red acrylic paint. I painted the "Symbol Of Chaos" on the wall under the sewer drain grill where we sat and smoked KOOL cigarettes and listened to Syd Barrett on a small tape recorder.

I ventured down to the tunnel like a little Hobbit with friends , Cathy was there, Stanley was there, Johnny Giordano was there, Johnny even drew a picture on a tee shirt of Bill hunched over walking through the tunnel with his long scraggily combed hair in silhouette .

Bill and I did some recordings down there, my pejorative memory remembers one in particular "I Just want to Be Crucified" I always liked that recording because It was a gospel rant , based on "I just want to see his face" by the Stones. It was improvised. It was naive, for part of it, I began to read from a random book we had found down in the tunnel, after I read a paragraph from the book and ended said paragraph with the words "to the tune of..." Bill and I went right back into the song! Bah Bah- bah- BAH!!!! Clapping in a gospel halleluiah kind of way, There are other memories attached to the tunnel and to that recording, but I am not very attached.

I don't remember in order to cling , I remember in order to not forget where I've been . I never thought of Madison NJ as a bad town, I've always appreciated it for just being whatever it was when I was growing up. I felt freedoms and interacted with my environment in such ways that influence my mind to this very day. Not just the old Tunnel, but the Old Bullfrog Pond, the Old University , the abandoned country club in the woods, the Old Carriage and Stable Barn that still stands proud since about 1800 or even before! I even have fond memories of being on the roof of the library!(That's the same place I voted For Mr Obama in 2008!) back then, no one bothered a harmless kid who just wanted to explore, now if you shimmy onto the roof the Police automatically show up. I don't beleive Kids today really experience the freedoms I naturally had growing up. Our boom boxes are now little Blackberry Cel Phones, our sense of adventure is replaced by obedience and fear and shallow lol mentalities. And the Music that helped form my brain! OH SOOOO much richer and deeper! Do I sound old right now?

I guess my nostalgia is fleeting and visiting me on this cold winter morning for some random dreamy reason that needs no explanation. The Tunnel was remodeled around 1987 or earlyer so it's structure is now too small to crawl into. Our little space in the world now belongs only to that time period, 1983 and 1984. we can't go back, It's gone, they ruined it.... They ruined it for generations to come.

I don't know how often I would have visited the tunnel if it still stood today , It doesn’t matter, the image and the feeling of the echo of our voices and the menthol smoke of the KOOL cigarettes with Bill sitting across from me, with the Symbol of Chaos painted on the wall in red acrylic... these are my memories, I lived them! With help, a lot of help, from my friends.
They can't destroy the Tunnel of my memory! They can’t remodel my mind and make it inaccessible! I can visit anytime I want! Even though it is physically gone. The old Knights Of Chaos recodings are gone too, only a few survive.."I Just Want to Be Crucified" Is not one of them , it is stored away in the feelings of our subconsious, it too , like the Tunnel, is physically , audibly un-re-visit-able...
I wonder what it would have been like to be down there with Lisa in the early to mid 80's ....She's a sweet petit rocker chick dark hair , Jewish looking, down to Earth... Oh yeah, the Kool mentholated sound of our words cuttin through the dank! Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

Retire your family karma, questions.

Questions from the book "Retire your family Karma" by Ashok Bedi, MD. and Boris Mathews, PH. D.

Describe your grandparent’s relationship. What similarities and/or differences do you recognize between their relationship and your intimate relationships?

I know that Grandpa Parker wrote down his thoughts while he was working , I know that he playfully stole fancy coffe mugs from a certain caffe every Friday just to get gGrandma Parker’s goat. I know that Grandma Parker Had a strickt side and a playful side, She did’nt like to play board games but she thought that it was funny to try to get away with cheeting at the board game, rather than take it seriously, Mothering she took seriously.
Grandpa Kiernan was a cop, and he was a good one according to all accounts, I think Bill Kiernan probably has a lot more William  Aloisius Kiernan in him than I do.
Grnadma Kiernan I knew her best out of all four Grand parents, she was generally a liberated woman who would give slaves food and tell them to eat it in the closet, she loved baseball in her later years The Mets, and learned to drive after her husband died.

I suppose there are some similarities between their relationships with each other and the relationships I have had with friends and lovers through out the years, I never really thought about it.

How do/did each of your grandparents react emotionally to various situations?
Do you find yourself reacting in similar ways, even though your reactions don’t make any sense to you?

Why would’nt they make sense to me? What if they don’t does everything Have to make sense? I imagine Grandpa Kiernan being very level headed as a cop.
That’s why I have no problems with cops, even when they are shit heads to me I can handle cops, it’s always been that way.
I think Grandma Parker’s way of cheating at board games so as to not take them too seriously is in me in some respects in life , even though I do live some board games.

I have reactions to various situations emotionally that don’t make some sense like why do I obsess so much after something traumatically goes wrong. There is shock and then there is a period of not thinking about it and then there is a period of my mind thinking about it too much and fantasies become hijacked, instead of fantasizing about what I want The fantasy gets hijacked , it’s part of my obsessive way of dealing with and not dealing with things, I hate it.Non of that makes complete sense. I thrive on harmony but I guess I need to know what disharmony feels like in order to know what harmony feels like in order to recognize it and appreciate it.

Recall or write down any dreams in which your father or mother , or grandfather or grandmother, does something noticeably out of character (i.e. differently than they act in waking life). This question will make more sense later when we discuss dreams and the information they can provide.

Well I did have a dream in 1997 that I got my mother pregnant. But I di not remember any sex, it was announced and Matt Kiernan was a t the table and every one know instantly that I was the father. I had a dream recently that my Mom and I were captured in an attic and we were to live out the rest of our days in this attic and we were growing potatoes by the windows and the potatoes were held up by tooth picks.
I remember having dreams that Grandma Kiernan was still alive..I don’t remember her doing anything unusual. I did have a dream about my Dad recently that there was a photograph of him sleeping as a baby, and then Linda said to my “Your Dad died in 2000, right?” and Dad looked at her with a baleful stare , and I said “No here’s right there sleeping like a baby!” And he was, just like in the picture , but now he’s old. Again I don’t remember him doing anything “out of character”.
If I had dreams about Grandma Parker they were long ago and are stored deep away.
If I had dreams about Grandpa Parker or Kiernan they too are dormant and I can not recall a single one right now.

What physical ailments do you have that “run in the family” for which there appears to be no medical treatment?

Well sense you’ve asked me the question, I will answer it, none.There is medical treatment for many and any ailments. But had you asked “What physical ailments do you have that run in the family .” Well that’s a different question. Heart disease does run a bit on the maternal side , but I have a very strong heart and I’m not worried about it. Both Grandfathers died of cancer, back when there was no known treatment. I did have a lymph node cancer removed and was treated for it with kemo and radiation when I was a young teen, but I’m not worried at all about cancer.
Grandma Parker died of Alzheimer’s , I suspect that will come up again in the maternal side. Grandma Kiernan had I believe a heart attack , I’m not sure, at he age of 78 in 1978.
Dyslexia , there have been a few , but most familys have some dyslexia thrown in.I believe every one is dyslexic at birth and we mostly just grow out of it. But some grow out of it much slower.I still have alot of it holding on, but most of it is "Straitened out"

What sort of work do you do? Who among your older relatives (parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles) does /did the same sort of work you do?
What do/did your older relatives say about the line of work you are in?

I am an artist. I am skilled and gifted with imagination. I have no blood line with Uncle Rudy, we are related by his marriage to my Aunt, he is the only professional artist on my mother’s paternal side. His daughter has some talent and so does his son Louis.
Grandpa parker’s art was thinking I guess and some writing. I remember seeing some stuff he jotted down when I was a teen , Grandpa Kiernan’s art was being a Police officer. This could be part of my diplomacy skills and part of my political awareness in some way, but that was his artHe was also a singer and a dancer who sang in black face at times. My father’s art was putting out fires as a firefighter and golfing and socializing he has many arts, but the one he was professional at was being chief I guess. My Mother’s art would be to give insight and helpful information and to be generous and diplomatically sound with out rocking the boat. There are not a lot of musicians, but it is possible that I inherited my desire to make music and live it from the maternal side.
John Giordano and his brother Danny and Louis Defilice are all musicians as well.
Who knows?

If you are an adopted child, what attitudes and behaviors do you have that have no precedent in your adoptive family?

I totally feel adopted. Absolutly. I must be adopted. I share very little with my siblings. They both share very little , It’s hard to believe they are related. Matt does loves Bill’s kids very much that’s for sure. We all do like movies and we all know music of some sort or another, we all like the Beatles and we all Like the Simpsons, (Classic Simpsons anyway).
Other than that we are three very adopted kids. Nothing alike what so ever.We have shared a life out of the circumstance that we have the same parents. I like them both just fine as individuals, they can be lame about this or that but should’nt be judged too harshly.
What attitudes and behaviors do I have that have no precedent in my adoptive family? Where do I start?

new lyrics

Only Reality.
E D.- 000230 A
Mug wart by the river galore.
Mug wart towering tall.
look up!
Leaves block the E sun.
Green leaves swaying.
I’m on a ground
smelling some mug wart ,
breathing , dreaming, dreams, new dreams.
light rain and bamEboo
leaves hissing above my eyes (they shake)
057760 007765
It was only it was only it was only 577600 reality.133200
floating down she comes
like a parachute down in an open umbrella dress
like mary popEpins
stopping by to save me
a tiny frog ,a prediction.
thru the fog , a million tiny frogs can’t be wrong.
Lazors from their E mouths
crawling and chirping.
057760 007765
It was only it was only it was only 577600 reality.133200
a flower bulb under the ground
dreamed a dream in the yester now
and the Yester Now is E soon!
and dream is the peace!
And Peace is the dream and
dream is the peace
and dreace is the peam and the pream.
what was it that awoke E me
It’s all happening now.
057760 007765
It was only it was only it was only 577600 reality.133200

Eddie th Head.

Eddie the head was born with no body, no arms and no legs. All he had was a head. But despite this major birth defect his parents still loved him very much. So on his sixteenth birthday his parents found a doctor that could surgically give Eddie a body. When the parents got home they couldn't wait to tell him that he could finally have a body and be like other people. They go home really excited and say "Have we got a surprise for you. It's the best present ever!" and Eddie says "Oh no, not another fucking hat!"

What Do You Have To Say? - A Winter Memory

Describe a winter memory using all five senses.

My eyes gallop and sing to the nakedness ,
My hands can smell the wet icey air , Up my nostrils the vision is recived of treeless branches, I zoom home, hot tea, warm feet, and hot tomatos await there, christmas reefs lit up over the street , they fade out as I ride away.

(no subject)

Name: Wooden Thomas Joseph Kiernan
Birthday: September 24
Birthplace: The Pine New Jersey Barrens
Current Location: Divided States
Eye Color: Cat
Hair Color: Mouse
Height: 6 inches
Right Handed or Left Handed: two left feet two right hands
Your Heritage: Irish English German Shepard
The Shoes You Wore Today: Shoe boots rainbow colored laces
Your Weakness: strong people
Your Fears: The Earth will flip upside down soon.
Your Perfect Pizza: accidental Meatless Buffalo Wings with hot sauce
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: swim acroos the Atlantic
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: laughin out my nose
Thoughts First Waking Up: I have a boner
Your Best Physical Feature: jawbone
Your Bedtime: later
Your Most Missed Memory: I forgot
Pepsi or Coke: neither both are EVIL
MacDonalds or Burger King: EVIL Neither
Single or Group Dates: I just wanna hang out n' bee Coool
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Caffine is Evil!I love it!
Chocolate or Vanilla: CH CH CH CH vanoclate
Cappuccino or Coffee: unfortunatly I'm decaffinated
Do you Smoke: cigarillos, not every day
Do you Swear: Fuck NO!
Do you Sing: I deliver
Do you Shower Daily: nope
Have you Been in Love: It ripped me apart
Do you want to go to College: School and I have gone our separate ways
Do you want to get Married: nope
Do you belive in yourself: Only if Jiminy Cricket does
Do you get Motion Sickness: In the space shuttle, yes
Do you think you are Attractive: In the space shuttle , yes
Are you a Health Freak: I love good food!
Do you get along with your Parents: better now than before
Do you like Thunderstorms: yes I Do
Do you play an Instrument: guitar vocals lyrics and artworx
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: In the past minute
In the past month have you Smoked: with the alchohol , I do not smoke pot or do illegal drugs
In the past month have you been on Drugs: I just pre empted that question
In the past month have you gone on a Date: with Linsay lohan
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: Linsay can't go to the mall
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: Oreos are EVIL
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: I eat not flesh
In the past month have you been on Stage: Almost
In the past month have you been Dumped: dumped on , yes
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: It's Febuary , when do you want to go?
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: No stealing does not make anything YOURS/mine
Ever been Drunk: yes I have
Ever been called a Tease: just now and It hurts :(
Ever been Beaten up: actually no(I'm surprised)
Ever Shoplifted: yes sir but those daze R over
How do you want to Die: the Earth is going to flip up side down, I'm telling you
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: a blimp driver
What country would you most like to Visit: Scotland, Ireland , England
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: Green / Hazel
Favourite Hair Color: Green/ Hazel
Short or Long Hair: LLLLLLLLLLLOOOOONNNNGGGG But it doesnt matter
Height: Giraffe
Weight: wait
Best Clothing Style: thrifty
Number of Drugs I have taken: 1.coffe 2. chocolate 3. Beer 4. tobacco
Number of CDs I own: 2
Number of Piercings: none
Number of Tattoos: nun
Number of things in my Past I Regret:

An Album is a colection of songs, or pictures.

1 Volcano o' vlove.

In the volcano of love. I met a little ol’ lady bug. Come in she said close the door. It is drafty outside and the wind swept chairs are flying. I saw a giraffe come out of hiding. She Came to the window. So I fed her an apple. Someone gave me a cool loving tap on the shoulder. It is the fickled mistress, she invited us down to breakfast. I picked a bunch of flowers from inside the house, One contained a honey bee! Laying’ in the fetal position, in the candle lit solar kitchen. And the radio transmitted a wobbling whistle through out the house, we tuned in.