wooden_thomas (wooden_thomas) wrote,

A Tunnel of My Memory

Met a girl in 1985, I remember her name, Lisa (Last Name With Held). She was from Morristown. Long story... I’ll get to the point. Lisa told me recently that I have a "pejorative" memory.
She told me that on Facebook. I remember her name, I recognized her name as a friend of a friend on that site and proceeded to blow the girl’s mind ..."We met at a Meat Puppets concert in Dover, The Feelies opened for them, we met again on a train in New Brunswick (NJ Not Canada) I even spoke to you on the phone once" I remembered the person she was with at the time, she's still friends with him, anyway, this prompted Lisa to say that my memory is "Pejorative".
Today is January 20th. The media is making a HUGE deal about the inauguration of Barack Obama. I don't remember there ever being anywhere near this much hoopla whoopty doo over a new president being inaugurated.
I like Obama, I voted for him, but Holy Toledo Batman!
It is exactly 7;00 AM , I woke up thinking about the old "Tunnel Of Chaos". I wasn’t dreaming about it, but my mind drifted nostalgically to memories of "The Tunnel of Chaos". Bill and I were 17, we would go into this square tunnel , an underground revene, it went under the street by the WMCA. We would walk hunched as we made our way into the tunnel.

We would come across an Earthy rocky watery part of the Tunnel about 20 yards in , it had no concrete floor and then after only about ten feet the concrete floor would continue. We would sit under a sewer drain grill that let the sun light in over our head.
There was some unmemorable graffiti there, but we made some new graffiti. I remember independently going there alone with a tube of red acrylic paint. I painted the "Symbol Of Chaos" on the wall under the sewer drain grill where we sat and smoked KOOL cigarettes and listened to Syd Barrett on a small tape recorder.

I ventured down to the tunnel like a little Hobbit with friends , Cathy was there, Stanley was there, Johnny Giordano was there, Johnny even drew a picture on a tee shirt of Bill hunched over walking through the tunnel with his long scraggily combed hair in silhouette .

Bill and I did some recordings down there, my pejorative memory remembers one in particular "I Just want to Be Crucified" I always liked that recording because It was a gospel rant , based on "I just want to see his face" by the Stones. It was improvised. It was naive, for part of it, I began to read from a random book we had found down in the tunnel, after I read a paragraph from the book and ended said paragraph with the words "to the tune of..." Bill and I went right back into the song! Bah Bah- bah- BAH!!!! Clapping in a gospel halleluiah kind of way, There are other memories attached to the tunnel and to that recording, but I am not very attached.

I don't remember in order to cling , I remember in order to not forget where I've been . I never thought of Madison NJ as a bad town, I've always appreciated it for just being whatever it was when I was growing up. I felt freedoms and interacted with my environment in such ways that influence my mind to this very day. Not just the old Tunnel, but the Old Bullfrog Pond, the Old University , the abandoned country club in the woods, the Old Carriage and Stable Barn that still stands proud since about 1800 or even before! I even have fond memories of being on the roof of the library!(That's the same place I voted For Mr Obama in 2008!) back then, no one bothered a harmless kid who just wanted to explore, now if you shimmy onto the roof the Police automatically show up. I don't beleive Kids today really experience the freedoms I naturally had growing up. Our boom boxes are now little Blackberry Cel Phones, our sense of adventure is replaced by obedience and fear and shallow lol mentalities. And the Music that helped form my brain! OH SOOOO much richer and deeper! Do I sound old right now?

I guess my nostalgia is fleeting and visiting me on this cold winter morning for some random dreamy reason that needs no explanation. The Tunnel was remodeled around 1987 or earlyer so it's structure is now too small to crawl into. Our little space in the world now belongs only to that time period, 1983 and 1984. we can't go back, It's gone, they ruined it.... They ruined it for generations to come.

I don't know how often I would have visited the tunnel if it still stood today , It doesn’t matter, the image and the feeling of the echo of our voices and the menthol smoke of the KOOL cigarettes with Bill sitting across from me, with the Symbol of Chaos painted on the wall in red acrylic... these are my memories, I lived them! With help, a lot of help, from my friends.
They can't destroy the Tunnel of my memory! They can’t remodel my mind and make it inaccessible! I can visit anytime I want! Even though it is physically gone. The old Knights Of Chaos recodings are gone too, only a few survive.."I Just Want to Be Crucified" Is not one of them , it is stored away in the feelings of our subconsious, it too , like the Tunnel, is physically , audibly un-re-visit-able...
I wonder what it would have been like to be down there with Lisa in the early to mid 80's ....She's a sweet petit rocker chick dark hair , Jewish looking, down to Earth... Oh yeah, the Kool mentholated sound of our words cuttin through the dank! Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!
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